This is one of the gifts of understanding our habitual patterns and beliefs related to our type. We can begin to doubt their accuracy.

Ariel dropped her attention from the story into her body and the breath. The painful feelings associated with the belief began to dissipate. She soon felt both more energized and peaceful. She actually felt loveable.

The words that popped out of my mouth are the title to this writing, that she was “composting consciousness.” Now sure, I’m a gardener and it’s spring, but the words surprised me. Ariel smiled…she liked them. Here is how Wikipedia describes composting:

“Composting upcycles organic kitchen and yard waste and manures into an extremely useful humus-like, soil end product, permitting the return of vital organic matter, nutrients, and particularly bacteria, that are vital to plant nutrition to the soil. Managed aerobic composting arranges environmental conditions so they are optimal for the natural processes to take place.”

Composting takes food we consider unfit for consumption and turns it into nutrients vital for the soil for new growth. As Wikipedia goes on:

“There is a popular expression: “compost happens”, but it is helpful to engineer the best possible circumstances for large amounts of organic waste to decompose quickly and efficiently, with the greatest conservation of useful nutrients…..” If we manage this natural process, do it with intention and attention, we can make use of this natural process for optimal results.”

Maybe you compost kitchen and yard waste but do you compost old emotional stories and beliefs? We often feel like we want to be rid of pesky self-limiting beliefs like “there’s something wrong with me” or “I’m not good enough.” But what if we could literally make use of and enrich our lives with these unwanted feelings and beliefs? What if we offered these negative patterns to the Ground of our Being? What if this helped us grow?

We know that the Earth is the Mother of all composters. She takes old, rotten organic matter and turns it into rich soil, fertilizing and growing wonderful plants and nutritious vegetables. And she does this with the help of sun, air and water. And what does the earth really like? She likes the moldy, slimy, smelly bacteria which forms on rotting fruits and vegetables which enriches the soil immensely.

Do you have an old, repetitive pattern or belief ready for composting? Composting may happen as stated in Wikipedia, but it’s really helpful to “engineer the best possible circumstances” to get the richest soil. It’s with conscious choice to practice this kind of composting, that we get the most benefit.

I’d like you to imagine for just a moment that our bodies are the Earth, that Awareness is the air, our intention and choice the Sun and our deep feelings (like compassion and love) are water. Imagine for a moment that when that moldy, old belief arises, you see good material for composting. From Awareness, you can consciously decide to drop the story, come home to your body and breath, and having compassion for the whole shebang, feed the growth of your True Nature. Maybe we can practice conscious composting rather than unconscious complaining about the arising of these emotionally held beliefs, fueling our very own evolution.

In my next Enneagram class on April 17^th, we will explore this and more. Let’s compost some projections together and create something

From an Enneagram perspective, this may be the dilemma of Type Nine, called the Mediator or the Peacemaker. This is the type that tends to forget their agenda, opinions and needs to avoid conflict and keep the peace. Another brilliant survival strategy developed in childhood that ends up choking the adult. There is part of you in there that knows what she wants and she starts rebelling! That may be through depression, physical pain, or a general frustration towards life, but she will be heard. She wants to get your attention. She wants her voice!

You may be confused about this practice of “accepting what is.” Let’s start by talking about what it doesn’t mean. It does not mean withholding the truth about what you think, feel or need. In short, it does mean accepting YOUR EXPERIENCE. It does not mean reacting to your experience through suppression or aggression. It’s like shaking hands with someone you know well or even someone you’re just meeting. You greet and open to them.

As a Two, the Giver, I share some characteristics with the Nine. It’s what we call a look-alike type as a result, but the underlying motivation is different. The Two is desperate for approval while the Nine is desperate for peace and to avoid discomfort often produced by having conflicting opinions or needs. I can remember in my twenties thinking I should have a tee shirt that had a doormat printed on the back. That’s what I felt like long before I knew about my Two orientation. So yeah, we were both accepting, but not accepting of ourselves.

Elisa was really confused. She had already started working with the Enneagram and decided to talk to me about it in our next session. She brought up a recent incident that although relatively minor, elucidated her confusion. Elisa had gone to dinner with several friends to a restaurant that she really didn’t like that much but she didn’t mention that. She spent the evening feeling resentful and chastising herself for not being able to just accept “what is.” “It’s only dinner,” Elisa thought to herself, “what’s wrong with me?”

As we explored Eilsa’s situation and reactions, it became evident that Elisa was not including herself in her acceptance practice. Accepting what is means being aware of and telling the truth about what you think, feel and need. It means accepting who you are and what’s going on for you. And it means speaking those truths. It also means accepting what others think, feel and need for them! It allows us to be unique individuals, which creates the beautiful tapestry of the world. We are individual threads of color and texture that when woven together create tremendous beauty.

For Elisa, this meant specifically, being aware of and acknowledging her own inner experience, from what she felt in her body and heart, to what she thought. And it meant sharing that with her voice. Sharing her particular wisdom with herself and others. It meant coming into relationship with herself rather than simply “going along” with others, the hiding place of the Nine, and a misperception of acceptance.

When we accept our own experience as valid for us, we can allow ourselves to be different, and then we can really accept others and their unique expressions. And that doesn’t mean you’ll always get your way! But it does mean you won’t be suppressing your own expression and that you will find the world a more delightful place that includes you.

This article does not represent an actual client but my experience with many Mediator’s through individual and group work.

This dream points at a deep truth.

Everything inside of you, all the stuff you think is worthless, is a potential opening into the vastness of you.

Cheryl, a fairly new client, had discovered her Enneagram type. She was excited about her new insights but was still frustrated about her ongoing reactivity. Cheryl has lists of “what if’s” and “if only’s” that keep her on edge. Nearly all of the items on her lists require that something outside of her change. “If only” her partner would be more appreciative. ”What if” this isn’t the right job for her after all?

This is the norm for most of us. If something out there would just be different, then we would be okay. We would feel worthy, have a better relationship, make more money, be more at peace and the list goes on. But like the song goes, we’re looking for love in all the wrong places!

The right place is inside of you!

You’ve got a great map, the Enneagram, and now you have to use it. You have to bring the rest of you, your body, into the exploration to make this map truly transformative. There is the beauty and vastness of the cosmos, and a deep well of peace and love, at the core of who you are. And you need to be willing to go into the “junk” store and open the trunk to find it!

One of the first lessons we learn as children, as a matter of survival, is to contract away from pain and move toward pleasure. Our little nervous systems are not fully formed and can’t handle too much intensity. So we have those red-faced crying fits when we’re hungry or wet. As we grow and our nervous system matures, this lesson continues to lie at the bottom of most of our choices. We don’t like what we’re experiencing so we “cry” or complain or fume to try and change our experience. Sound familiar?

But there’s a secret I want to tell you…

The truth is your nervous system can handle more than you think! And you can teach it to handle even more. The secret is that when you move toward the discomfort or pain you’re experiencing, often it relaxes and you have deeper insights into the problems you’re facing. Who knew?? Then, as you practice this, your nervous system learns to relax more and more. You begin to discover that the things that bothered you in the past bother you less.

How do I do that exactly?

Many explorers have gone before us, exploring our inner universe to find the treasures that lies at the heart. Guides and teachers from many paths offer something like this simple formula.

• Remind yourself that you are aware of what is happening (thoughts, feelings, sensations) – you are the Observer;
• Notice the story unfolding in your mind (what if’s, if only’s, etc);
• Detect what you’re feeling (scared, angry, sad, etc);
• Shift your attention to the sensations in your body related to that feeling (heart racing, tight throat, chest contracting, etc);
• Breathe in the deep belly (like blowing up a balloon in your abdomen);
• Come back to the breath and/or your sensations when the story starts playing again;
• If it feels too intense, stay with the breath in the belly;
• Be present with yourself;
• See what happens!

It’s a simple formula and not easy.

Move toward the discomfort you’re experiencing in the body. Go in to find the great beyond, to discover who you are.

Cheryl began to practice this “simple” formula and found how difficult it can be. Everything in her told her to run when she felt pain. She would watch her mind as blame took over and she wanted to lash out. Or she would just feel bad about herself, feeling worthless. Sometimes she would succeed in moving toward the discomfort and sometimes she would not. A simple formula but not easy! And with time, she started experiencing more times when she wasn’t reacting or worrying like she did before. Times of calm and peace…times when she felt she really was okay after all!

Welcoming ourselves home to the heart of the cosmos…

At the core of compassion is the ability to meet and face our pains, fears, angers, and feelings of shame. And we need some technology to do that. To build a skill we need to practice. It doesn’t happen over night, but with time, we find our skill increasing. We start to feel less reactive, experience greater calm and more love. We discover the truth of who we are as the heart of the cosmos.

THE ONE

I’ll take Resentment to contentment
Use Serenity as a remedy
To turn my Anger to confection
On the way to my Perfection
The deed has been done!
I’m a One!!

There’s nothing wrong
With knowing what’s right
I look at a problem
And turn on the light
I’m certain and I’m air
I’m strong and I’m bright
But then, you all know that
Way before tonight!
I’m undeniably fun!
I’m a One!

Sean

THE TWO

My Flattery is creative
The “Juice is my Pride
When I find my Humility,
I’ll take a Freedom ride!
Don’t wait for the other shoe….
I’m a Two!!

I’m a Two
I know what to do
And I’ll do it for you
So let me through!
I’m a Two!!

Renée

THE THREE

When I repeat my Decit
With the insanity of Vanity,
I see Honesty and HOpe
With a spiritual rope
This is my decree!
I’m a Three!!

I’m not only fun
I can get the job done
Asleep or on the run
When I’m under the gun
Of Failure there’s nun
Pardon the pun
When you love me,
I’ve won!
I am un-doubt-ed-ly
A Three!!

Pads

THE FOUR

I’m a Melancholy Baby
Using Envy as my fuel
Balance is my goal
Originality is my rule!
Unique is core……
I’m a Four!!

If you are exciting,
I am, hereby, inviting
You through my door
For tea – maybe more!
Let it rain. Let it pout.
I’m never a bore!
I’m a Four!!

Andrea

THE FIVE

Avarice is my driver
Stinginess is the car
When I shift into neutral,
My Knowledge travels far!
When I’m alone, I’m alive!
I’m a Five!!

Get off my case
And outta my face!
You have a brain
So pick your own!
Say something intelligent
Or leave me alone!
Give me no small talk
Send me no jive
Respect my space
’cause I’m a Five!!

Azwin

THE SIX

A Coward? I don’t think so!
Fear and Doubt are useful tools
Bottom line: my Faith and Courage
Will prevail. I’m no fool!
I tolerate no tricks!
I’m a Six!!

I’m living life to its majority
With help, Love and my own Authority!
It’s timeyou all got a clue
With indecision I a through!
I’m getting in my licks
Creating my own kicks
There’s nothing I can’t fix
I’m definitely in the mix!
I’m a Six!!

Sandy

THE SEVEN

Gluttony takes Planning
Those flames I’ll be fanning
Until Work and Sobriety
Replace high society
And fill me with piety
That’ll get me to Heaven!
That’s cool! I’m a Seven!!

Ideas, plans and possibilities
Options, solutions – a jillion, a trillion
In the mind – in the future
Always more – push the button
I’m the Glutton – it’s Heaven!
I’m a Seven!!

Barbara

THE EIGHT

Vengeance is Habit
Lust is a must
Truth is the commitment
Innonce must Trust
Whether early or late
I always participate
’cause stamina is my trait
So, don’t mess with my boundaries!
I’m an Eight!!

I konw how to play
I never refuse it
I have great big energy
and I know how to use it!
So, if you’re a Loved One
And you have a problem,
Just point me right at it
’cause I love to solve ‘em!
A wild and crazy date!
I’m an Eight!!

Lynne

THE NINE

You say I’m all sloth
And you tell me I’m lazy
Well that kind of judgment
’bout to drive me crazy!
I know what you mean, though,
I’ve been where you are
When I try to see it your way
I don’t need to stretch too far.
I’m a vessel of Love
Made up of Right Action
I’m here to let you know
You are all my main attraction!
And how do I know every one of you is fine?
That’s easy….Huh! I’m a Nine!!

I’m easy and peaceful and I think you’re fine
But one thing is missing – I forget what is mine!
When my passion wakes up, I fall asleep
Then the subtypes kick in and I’ve gone in deep.
Appetite for self-comfort, or group participation
One to one union, that’s my central station
Gotta get to conversion, the subtype’s my fuel
Then the grapes of my wrath with become a spiritual tool!
Now I’m outta the box, I know that I’m real
And I get it here and now that I’m a big deal!
I’m fine wine on the vine! I’m divine!
I’m a Nine!!

Roopa

Sarah is sitting at her computer, staring at the computer screen, but not seeing a thing. She is churning over a conversation she had with her brother last night on the phone. Her mind grinds through detail after detail, trying to find the place it went wrong. She’s sure she said something that made him feel distant. They used to be so close as kids and it really hurts when she doesn’t feel that old closeness. Sarah is brutal in her examination of what she remembers saying and, truly, she feels horrible. “I am a lousy sister,” she groans.

What Is The Judge?

Often called the inner critic, the Judge examines our behaviors and words, often times causing us pain. Becoming aware of our reactivity and our habitual patterns, we may become more aware of another part of our inner world. A part that often operates below the surface or just out of conscious awareness, a part that we often assume is there to help us navigate life. It tells us what is right and wrong, whether we’ve been good or bad. Like an unfriendly version of the Santa Claus of childhood, whether you’ve been naughty or nice. Of course this Santa Claus often judges others as well.

What Is The Purpose Of The Judge?

The Judge began developing in childhood, right along with the stories of Santa Claus. We listened to a lot of stories about the world and watched more unfold around us during those important years. We learned from our parents, our peers and our culture how to be in the world. We also learned what was out of bounds; what was bad. And this has a purpose. It’s called socializing. We had to learn to get along with those in our environment. But when we’re young, it’s hard, if not impossible, to separate our behavior from who we are. And many of us still have difficulty doing this even as adults. Working with the Judge is a key to experiencing ourselves as something more than our thoughts, words and actions, and more than how we evaluate ourselves (and others).

How Do I Stop judging?

The first step in working with the Judge is to be aware of it as a function of mind. Becoming aware of the Judge, watching it, we begin to loosen the grip it holds on us. We realize that we are aware of the Judge and can make different choices than it may dictate. We can open to different interpretations of events, of conversations and interactions.

Sarah was still staring at her computer, lost in her thinking, when the phone rang. As if by magic, it was her brother, who usually didn’t call her at work. As she listened, she was shocked to hear her brothers’ words. He called to say that he loved her and that their talks were important to him. And that sometimes he felt sad they couldn’t see each other more often and that this sad feeling often left him feeling uncomfortable and wanting to get off the phone.

Sarah was stunned and totally awake in the present moment now. As she hung up the phone, she wondered how she could have so missed the mark with her interpretation of their earlier conversation. She was relieved and confused. “Why am I so hard on myself?” she wonders.

What Does This Have To Do With The Enneagram?

All Enneagram types have some version of the Judge or inner critic. Some types judge themselves more harshly, while other types judge others more harshly. Whatever version predominates in your type, the other side is often just more hidden, more unconscious but still there. We all judge. Actually, the mind left to its’ habitual nature, that is the mind that is left to operate automatically, is a judgment making machine.

But Judgment Is Important!

There is a difference between judgment and discernment from this point of view. Judgment, as used by the Judge, is about condemning. Discernment is about deciding what you believe, how you want to act, and about which way to direct your attention. It doesn’t make you or someone else wrong or bad. It decides in a more neutral way. It allows for differences and helps guide our way.

It’s Scary To Question My Judgments! I Need Them!

It’s true that we need guidance. And just the thought of questioning the proclamations made by the Judge can bring up fear. And that’s for good reason. When you really begin questioning all the interpretations and conclusions the Judge makes, you may feel shaky. After all, it’s how you’ve organized your world. This fear or shakiness can be seen as evidence that you’re stretching. That you are willing to move out of the world as you know it, the familiar/known world, into a world that may be different. This naturally brings up an alert in the body.

Did you ever notice that fear and excitement can feel very similar in the body? When you are excited about traveling to a new place, there is a sense of adventure and optimism, and you tell yourself a positive story about the feelings you’re having. Then you call those butterflies in your stomach excitement. When you feel anxious about traveling to a new place, there is a sense of foreboding, and you may wonder if the plane is going to crash or the weather will be lousy or…. When you watching from the Observer, when you’re consciously aware, you can change your interpretation!

What Is The Observer?

In earlier articles, we’ve covered the idea of developing awareness to help diminish our reactivity and suffering. The Observer, often call the Witness or witnessing consciousness, is a more essential part of who we are. It’s the part that watches the whole play of life. It’s the core of who we are, because all the things we learn in life had to come through being aware of what we are learning. We learned about Santa Claus, what it means to feel happy or sad, because we were aware of those things.

The Observer is seen as neutral because everything arises and then recedes in awareness. You feel happy one moment and then you feel sad. These are different experiences in your body that you are aware of and have learned to call either happiness or sadness. Developing the ability to watch yourself from the Observer position, you can consciously decide how to interpret events rather than to react habitually from the stored memories and beliefs that you’ve developed over the course of your life. From the Enneagram perspective, this is how we begin to go free of the dictates of our type and the dictates of the Judge.

You Can Choose What You Pay Attention To!

For instance, you are reading this article now. That is what you’ve put your attention on for this time. Attention is awareness in action. You decided to read this article and directed your attention to doing that. Now you could decide to put this article down and make yourself a cup of tea. Or you could just notice how your hands feel. In either case, you are employing the Observer, if you do this consciously. You are aware of moving your attention from one thing to another.

Sarah was driving home from work and suddenly she noticed that her mind was quiet. She realized she wasn’t evaluating anything! It felt good just to notice the scenery, the way the light was golden at the end of the day. She noticed that she felt good. It was a simple feeling, that she was okay. Sarah liked this sweet, peaceful feeling and wished she could feel this way more often.

Over twenty years now I became a Big Sister (like Big Brothers this is the organization that pairs an adult with a young person who is struggling in some way). The point of this role was to be a supportive, non-judgmental and loving ear to my Little Sister. It doesn’t mean I never told her my opinion but mostly my role was to be a compassionate support for her to bounce her thoughts and feelings off of. When I think of the Observer, I think more of watching my thoughts and feelings with this perspective. I can watch what arises with kindness rather than judgment. I can help myself discern what’s appropriate for me and what’s not. I DO NOT need to condemn myself. And neither do you.

In Summary:

When you find yourself judging yourself or another, you can begin by remembering the function of the Judge and how it developed. You can get a little distance on thinking you are the Judge. You are not! You can soften your stance some and come back to noticing that you are aware of the Judge. You can start being curious and questioning your evaluations. You can start to MINDING YOUR MIND WITH KINDNESS AND UNDERSTANDING.

Why Does This Keep Happening?

There is a sense of familiarity that you may notice in the types of problems that keep cropping up in your life. These familiar issues are reflected in your thinking: same story, different day. We often find ourselves frustrated with feeling like we’ve solved an issue, only to find it coming up again and again, and with it the same kind of inner dialogue. Many of us are unaware of how much chatter is constantly going on. But stop and listen for a minute. You’ll see that there is rarely a time of quiet, of just being open and aware.

When Will This Stop?

The mind can seem like a perpetual motion machine. When we begin to observe the mind, the chatter can seem to increase. While we ultimately want to quiet the mind, to live in a more peaceful inner world, we can make use of this chatter to understand the pattern of our thinking and discover our Enneagram type.

What is the Enneagram?

Although we have all the aspects represented on the Enneagram within us, we have one that’s like our home address, our center of gravity. It’s where we live. The Enneagram invites us to notice both our dominant habit of attention and the underlying motivation for that habit of attention. This can be a helpful way to think about the types. This habit of attention becomes programmed into our minds, like software in a computer, and is responsible for the redundancy in our thinking.

Like computer software is programmed to accomplish certain tasks, our habit of attention is trying to fill certain needs. These needs are basically the need for security/survival (food, shelter), love (closeness with special others) and belonging (fitting in with the group). Every person on the planet is trying to fill these needs and we do it in different ways, which are described by the Enneagram.

Tom recognizes the familiar feeling of resentment towards his boss. There’s a rush of energy like a fist in his chest being shaken at the world, and the thought “I shouldn’t be treated like this.” Then the next familiar feeling of worthlessness arises as he thinks, “why can’t I ever do anything right.” More than anything, Tom wants to feel worthy.

What Are the Dominant Patterns of Mind described by the Enneagram?

Tom’s repetitive pattern of thinking may indicate an Enneagram Type called the Perfectionist. Each of the types has a name and a number oriented around the circular diagram. This is not a ranking of the types and one is not better than another. All types have blessings and challenges.

Here is the short and sweet version of each type describing the habit of attention and the motivation for that habit of attention. (please click on the name of each type to link to an in-depth view of the type)

Type One, The Perfectionist:
Attention goes to error and correcting error. The goal is to avoid making mistakes and to be a good, worthy person to gain love and belonging. Because of this, attention is often critical and judgmental of self and others.

Type Two, The Giver:
Attention goes to the needs and wants of others to get love and approval. The hope is that through taking care of others’ needs and by becoming indispensable that these important others will give back.

Type Three, The Performer:
Attention goes to task and goals to gain love and approval through performance, looking good and winning.

Type Four, The Romantic:
Attention goes to longing for what is missing in the present, idealizing the future, and intensity and depth in relationships. The goal is to regain the lost original and ideal love, and to be understood and loved.

Type Five, The Observor:
Attention goes to intellectual pursuits, the world of ideas and intrusions from others. The hope is to gain protection from intrusion of others needs and wants from you, and from own feelings of inadequacy.

Type Six, The Loyal Skeptic:
Attention goes to potential danger or what could go wrong. The goal is to assuage doubt, gain certainty and therefore safety.

Type Seven, The Epicure:
Attention goes to the next fun possibility or fascinating ideal in order to escape pain and frustration.

Type Eight, The Boss:
Attention goes to power and control, potential betrayals and issues of fairness. The goal is to hide one’s own vulnerability, to not be controlled by others, and to gain respect and protection through being strong.

Type Nine, The Mediator or Peacemaker:
Attention goes to keeping the peace, others agendas and needs. The hope is to avoid conflict, and gain belonging and comfort by keeping the peace.

I don’t like being boxed in this way!

The Enneagram describes the box that we are already in. Just watch your thoughts and your life? If you’re like most of us, it’s hard to choose to perceive yourself or others with a fresh perspective. This is not because there’s something wrong with you but rather a result of the habitual nature of mind. We are “programmed” to see things in the same way. It’s neurobiology not a character flaw.

Tom is at work, sitting at his desk, when a co-worker, Sherry, walks into his office. She notices his drooping shoulders and asks if everything is all right. He takes a leap and confides in Sherry about his frustrations with his boss and with himself. As Sherry listens attentively, he notices the repetitive nature of his complaints. Having an epiphany he thinks, “maybe I could see this differently. Maybe it’s how I’m perceiving this that’s the problem.”

In Summary:

As the Enneagram elucidates through the type descriptions, we are preoccupied with certain bits of information out of a large array of possibilities. Each Enneagram type perceives the same data (or experience) differently. As we see the “bit” we are most drawn to or stuck in, we have the possibility of discovering our type orientation and expanding our perspectives. We can develop the skill of observing our thoughts and the feelings associated with those thoughts and making different assumptions and choices. And the road to freedom becomes illuminated with new possibilities.

Mary is remembering the argument she had with her husband last night. She’s filled with remorse for losing control and saying things she now wishes she had not.

She is feeling defeated. She felt judged when her husband commented on what a wreck the house was. Like wildfire, she burst into flames of anger blaming her husband for making her feel bad. When the flames dwindle, she’s overcome with feelings of self-hatred. She promises herself to never lose it like that again. Even as she makes the promise, she feels hopeless, knowing she probably will.

What does it mean to be reactive?

Feeling hopeless is a common response to finding ourselves in the same cycle over and over. We desperately want our reactions to be different, but we find ourselves responding the same way. Feeling reactive means feeling like we have no choice in how we respond in a situation. Mary feels out of control when she perceives herself being judged by her husband, and becomes angry and blaming. Later she blames herself, and feels ashamed, about the anger she expressed earlier. And so the cycle continues.

Where do these reactions come from?

The repetitive cycles of reactivity we notice in our lives and relationships are there for a reason. It’s not that there’s something wrong with us, but that the mind learns and remembers. The mind learns by building on past experience through the development of neural pathways.

But I want to do things differently…

So the good news is that we don’t have to keep learning the same thing over and over. Our learning, which means our reactions too, is encoded in neural pathways in the brain. The more these reactions are practiced, the stronger these pathways become. It’s like driving to work and taking the same route each day. You know the way there and usually tend to use it, rather than choosing to find a new route. Practicing a new behavior becomes very difficult since there’s no associated neural pathway or route, so we tend to react the same way.

How do you stop reacting?

The first step in changing your reactions is to become AWARE of the dominant pattern of those reactions. You must first SEE how the system of reactivity operates. Your habitual reactions are part of how you’ve learned to survive, to protect yourself and to navigate the world. You found a route to work that makes sense to you. It seems like the best way there, but maybe you want to investigate a new route. Maybe you want to stop running into the same traffic jam every morning. Maybe you want a little more adventure in your day. You need a map!

What is the Enneagram and how can it help?

The Enneagram is a map. It describes our habitual way of seeing the world and the patterns of reaction associated with our view. Understanding our typical response is the first huge step in expanding the range of our potential responses. If you want to take a new route, it’s helpful to have a map, to see the overview of the terrain. Our habitual patterns of response make sense but they limit our choice. There is nothing wrong with you, you need a bigger perspective.

Mary has a phone, rather than her head, in her hands now. Her sister is on the line, someone Mary often calls when she’s feeling overwhelmed and helpless as her mind rolls the story around and around. Her sister is used to this pattern, it happens to her as well. Then a friend told her about the Enneagram. Understanding herself and her reactions through this system was helping her. Maybe it would help Mary as well…..

Mary listened as her sister told her about the Enneagram. Inside, she was saying to herself, “this won’t help, I can’t help reacting…nothing will help.”

We often find ourselves saying that we just need some perspective. We often go to friends and family for just that, a different way of looking at a difficult situation. We feel heard and understood and, if we’re lucky, we get a different view on the situation. But we often still find ourselves in the same situation down the line. We find ourselves on the same route to work again.

Looking through the lens of the Enneagram is like getting GPS in your car! You can have a guidance system that helps you to navigate with unbelievable intelligence. You can understand why you’ve chosen the route you take and see that there are other routes to explore, and other people take them! There are other possibilities.

Mary decided to give the Enneagram a try, even though she had the same lingering doubts about her ability to stop her reactions. During the introductory class, however, she discovered something about herself and her husband. Clearly her husband saw and experienced things differently than she did. Just because she felt judged, did not mean that her husband was judging her. He wasn’t responding to the same inner map that she was responding to. The lights went on and, she had to admit, she even had fun exploring her own inner map! There was an explanation for her patterns and she started to feel hopeful that she could free herself from the seemingly endless cycle of anxiety and judgment. Actually, just understanding her pattern of reactivity was helping!

SUMMING UP:
• Developing our ability to be conscious of our habitual patterning, that is developing our awareness, is a huge step in changing our reactivity.
• There is nothing wrong with you! We react the same way in situations because we learn and remember.
• Our habitual reactions are there for a reason. It’s how we learned to survive, to protect ourselves and to navigate our worlds.
• The Enneagram helps to describe our habitual reactions and gives us greater choice regarding our responses.
• We can understand how our mind works, develop more compassion towards ourselves, and discover new viewpoints and choices in how to respond.

NEXT STEP:
• What would it be like to be curious rather than judgmental about your reactions?
• Can you imagine that there is sanity, a reason, that you’re responding like you do?
• Can you then imagine there may be a different path to navigating the world and that discovering it may be an adventure?
• Start the adventure, come to a class, stay posted for more articles, call me!